


Life Sucks

by AngryCakeChids



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Crack, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major Character Undeath, Recreational Drug Use, Very Very Cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6269110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryCakeChids/pseuds/AngryCakeChids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ginoza's having some problems, and all he wants is a bit of help, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANZ!

“So, tell me why you’re here today?”

“I’m a vampire.”

“Interesting, and how long has this been going on?”

This was Ginoza’s life – or rather, death – now. Just over three weeks ago he was jumped by some kid in the parking lot outside of work and he didn’t drain Ginoza completely. Ginoza had serious issues with this for three reasons:

 **One**. He loved garlic. All of the wonderful ethnic foods out that are out there were once his to experience, and now he was stuck with boring old blood. It tastes like iron to him; he can’t even suck on a paper cut like most people can. The morning after his attack (after he’d finally staggered home feeling incredibly light-headed), he’d grabbed some leftover takeout that was hanging around in the fridge, probably left there by Kougami. The bit he’d grabbed had burned his tongue, despite the fact it was freezing to the touch.

 **Two**. Ginoza was a morning person. _Early to bed and early to rise makes and man healthy, wealthy and wise_ , after all. He enjoyed getting up early, since it meant he could take Dime on an early morning walk and make his day ultimately more productive. He enjoyed the sensation of an early-morning coffee rejuvenating him. And now he’d never get that feeling again. The entire situation sucked (no pun intended).

And finally, **Three**. It was a tad embarrassing to admit, but he passed out at the sight of nearly any amount of blood. He just couldn’t stomach it, which made his life as a vampire incredibly complex. He didn’t even like strawberry jam or red paint because it reminded him very strongly of sight of blood.

So there he was, sat with a therapist who thought he was one nut short of a testicle sack, just wanting a bit of help.

“A few weeks,” he replied.

The therapist, a woman named Shimotsuki Mika, scribbled something in her notepad, and Ginoza hazarded a guess that it was either a shopping list or the starting of her letter of resignation.

“Is this why you requested such a late appointment? You’re my last patient of the day.”

“Yes,” Ginoza sighed. “Sun cream wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped it would be.” Shimotsuki looked up from her notepad, eyes narrowed, clearly not amused by this statement. It was true. Ginoza had tried to put on sunscreen after it finally, slowly dawned on him that he was undead, and even picked up the strongest one the 24-hour convenience store could offer. So the next morning, believing himself to be incredibly clever, lathered it on and went into the sun, just to sizzle like a rash of bacon once the sun emerged.

God, he missed bacon.

“How did you become a vampire?” Shimotsuki continued in her clinical tone, exasperation lurking in her voice. This was possibly the weirdest case she’d had.

“I got bit walking through the parking lot.”

“How did you know he was a vampire?” Ginoza had predicted this question; Shimotsuki was likely looking for a way to convince him that he was a normal person and that this was all just some hallucination.

“He gave me his business card,” Ginoza responded sardonically, and she frowned. How old was she? She looked more like she belonged in the hallway of some high school than a therapist’s office. “Honestly, he had fangs and bit me on the neck to drink my blood. Don’t you read books? I mean, you’re a doctor.” _At least, I hope you’re a doctor._

“Yes, and I rather enjoy stories about vampires,” Shimotsuki played along, twiddling her biro between her fingers. “Shouldn’t I be scared that you’re going to kill me or whatever?”

“That’s my problem,” Ginoza finally got to the crux of the matter. “I faint at the sight of blood.”

This merited a laugh and she was writing again. “I can see your problem now. How did you think I could help?”

“You were the first therapist in the phonebook that had an appointment slot. If I’m being honest, I don’t think you can.”

“As far as I know, there’s no cure for vampirism,” Mika turned to the tablet on her desk, and muttered something which could have been _I can’t believe I’m googling this_. “But we should be able to work something out.” After a brief period of silence, Shimotsuki spoke again. “So, is there any other creature of the night I need to look out for, or is it just vampires?”

“How should I know?” Ginoza shrugged. “I’ve been a vampire for less than month.” With that, he laid down on the couch, terms like _crazy couch_ and _loony loveseat_ and _daft davenport_ swirling through his mind. To his surprise, the couch was actually comfortable until the therapist spoke again.

“So do you have fangs or is that just in the movies?”

“No, I don’t have any fangs. I know that sounds completely crazy, but I’m guessing that they’ll grow in eventually. My gums have been aching.”

“I don’t use the term crazy, per se, but it is definitely out of the scope of what we’d call normal.” As if to prove a point, Shimotsuki put her pen down and clicked the screen of her tablet off. “Have you confronted the man who bit you? It’s a possibility that he has answers.”

Ginoza hadn’t considered that. In all honestly, this was his attacker, so why would he bother going back? If he really was a vampire now, he should have nothing to fear. What could be worse, right? “Hadn’t thought of that,” he commented. “I’ll probably go find him after the session is over and talk to him.”

Ginoza was expecting her to stop him, but instead, she said: “That’s a really brave idea, Ginoza.” Well, even if she didn’t believe his vampire story, at the very least she believed he’d been attacked –and wanted Ginoza to confront that attacker. “Even if he does attack you again, you’re a vampire so it shouldn’t matter, right?”

“Right,” Ginoza found himself agreeing, but in his mind he knew that this was possibly the stupidest situation he had ever been in. Shimotsuki wasn’t even treating him like a crazy person, more like the kid that needed to stand up to the playground bully. Finally, she broke the awkward silence with a question.

“Do you sleep in a coffin?”

“No, a waterbed, actually,” Ginoza told her honestly. “I blacked out my windows though, since the sun really isn’t my friend.”

“So the legends are all true in your experience?”

“I guess, but I haven’t been staked yet. I’ll make sure to let you know if that ever happens.” At this point, Ginoza was ready to leave, thankful that their time together was over.

“Will I see you again next week?” Mika asked almost innocently, and furtively hoping the answer would be no.

“Yes, I’ll possibly have proof by then,” Ginoza said as he walked out.

-

On the way to the parking lot where he’d been attacked, Ginoza’s nose picked up a whiff of an Italian restaurant on the corner, where he and Kougami often frequented due to the low prices and sheer quantity of food. To him, it was a little slice of heaven. At the same time, it was also a little slice of hell. “That fucking kid better be there,” he muttered angrily to himself. He needed answers.

He was. Lying on a bench by the side of the lot, Ginoza could see his ginger hair and what seemed to be a cartoon shirt. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it had an anime girl on it in rather a provocative outfit, and he felt a roll of disappointment, and sure hoped that being a weeaboo wasn’t passed on like vampirism was.

“What the fuck, dude?” he yelled when Ginoza kicked his legs of the bench. “You don’t know who you’re screwing with.”

“I do, actually – you bit me a few weeks back.” Already, he was pissing Ginoza off.

“Oh, yeah, I remember you,” the guy brightened up and shot Ginoza a cheeky grin. “What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you kill me?” Ginoza asked, hoping being straightforward would speed things up. The ginger sat there pondering for a few moments before shifting further down the bench before politely patting the space next to him, indicating that Ginoza should sit. He sat. _Excellent, a gentlemanly bloodsucker_ , Ginoza thought to himself.

“I don’t kill people,” the guy finally said. “I just take what I need and move on.”

“You’re telling me that you’ve created others?” Ginoza was genuinely surprised.

“Lemme see… well, I feed about twice a week, and I’ve been in the night life for about six months so… that’s like… fifty bat people?”

Ginoza was slightly warming to his assailant, which was probably a bad sign. “Six months? Fifty vampires?”

“Them’s the _stakes_ ,” the ginger smirked, and Ginoza ignored the overwhelming urge to punch him. “Did you need anything, anyway? Sorry ‘bout turning you.”

“That doesn’t do me a whole lot of good,” Ginoza shook his head and looked at his feet. “Look, I can’t drink blood – I don’t even have fangs. Can I change back into a human?”

“Nope, the bloodsucker deal is pretty permanent,” the vampire shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, I had mine in, like, a few weeks. No biggie. You’ve gotta feed to speed up the process.”

“I faint at the sight of blood.”

“Shit, that’s kinda fucked up.”

“Tell me about it.”

With that, Ginoza got up to leave, but the other vampire grabbed his arm.  “Wait, I think I can help you.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“You’ve got to be starving! Can’t you smell it? There’s blood _everywhere_.” Ginoza inhaled, and smelt spaghetti carbonara and pissed-on wall. On the street, people walked by, not even giving the two men a second glance. “Focus. Think of it as something else that isn’t blood. How about… the juice of life?”

“That’s so corny.”

“Trust me.”

Ginoza closed his eyes and inhaled deeper, pushing past the weird scents of the human world, ready to try a new tack. Once he felt sufficiently focused, he opened his eyes and took another breath. He really could smell it. He could hear the heartbeats. He was salivating before he knew it.

Then, he fainted.

-

“Uh… dude? Bro?” _What was that noise?_ Ginoza felt clammy. “Guy. You okay?” It was the ginger vampire. It was so surreal.

“I’m fine,” Ginoza pushed himself back up from his slump.

“Oh, Jesus, you really are a weakling,” the ginger vampire was grinning at Ginoza, the points of his fangs tucked behind his lower lip.

“I did tell you, but I’m not sure weakling is the term.”

“Oh yeah, you pass out at the thought of blood? You’re a total weakling.” He did have a point – after all, Ginoza was now a dreaded demon that lived on the stuff. “Okay, okay, so Plan A bombed. I have another idea that just might work.” Ginoza really wasn’t in the mood for more experiments, but there wasn’t much choice for him, really. Could he starve to death? Even when he was already dead? Well, dead-ish.

“Can you tell me your name first? I feel like you have to tell me, considering you did kill me and all.”

“Sure, I’m Kagari.”

“Well, Kagari, I’m Ginoza.”

“Cool to make your acquaintance,” Kagari grinned, before handing Ginoza a joint. Ginoza hadn’t smoked weed once in his lifetime, but for some odd reason, the idea had merit.

“What’s this going to do?”

“Mellow you out, centre your mind, yada, yada. Oh, and it’ll give you the munchies too. High people’ll eat anything, seriously. Just take a hit. I think I have a lighter around here somewhere.”

“Vampires can smoke?”

“Why the fuck not?” Kagari shrugged. “Just don’t eat. I tried to have some good ol’ pizza after I turned and it was not pretty. At all.” He looked at Ginoza’s confused expression. “You don’t want the details.”

“I work for the police, I can’t smoke this.”

“It can be our secret, then,” Kagari winked, and Ginoza sighed. Whatever. As far as he was aware there weren’t going to be any drug tests in his department for a while. Eventually, the ginger found the lighter and lit the joint, taking a drag. Ginoza took it off him and hesitantly sucked in some smoke, not sure if he was doing it right. It tickled the back of his throat and he was incredibly tempted to start coughing, but this guy already thought he was weak, so choking on one drag of one joint would not help his case any. When Kagari had deemed the two of them sufficiently high, he spoke again. “Now dude. Try again.” Ginoza closed his eyes and started giggling, and Kagari rolled his eyes. “Control yourself, man, you need control.”

This time, Ginoza let himself relax and took in several steady breaths. He could hear everything, and the heartbeats came slowly afterwards. He could smell the scent of blood, and this time, his stomach didn’t turn. Kagari was right, he was starving. “You are a genius, Kagari,” Ginoza said, opening his eyes.

“Wow, I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

“I don’t doubt it.” 

Ginoza could feel the pulse of every human passing by as he stood to find a snack. “Go get ‘em, man,” he heard Kagari croak as he left him there.

-

Ginoza made his first kill that night, some asshole who he’d just seen stealing someone’s bag. Ginoza drained him completely until he stopped moving – it tasted different after a person died, almost stale, if blood could go stale. It rushed through him like fire filling his entire being with strength, and it felt like the headache he hadn’t realised he’d been having for the last few weeks completely vanished. It was four in the morning before he decided to head back to safety and stop feeding.

He staggered back to his shared apartment and hoped to God that Kougami wasn’t pulling an all-nighter, and used the back alleys to ensure he wouldn’t be seen. Once he got in he went to the bathroom to cleanse his face before bed, and when he turned the light on, he could see the buds of his new fangs poking through his gums.

However, he could also see the dried blood on his chin, and he passed out.

-

“It’s nice to see you back,” Shimotsuki, the therapist, said unconvincingly. She was still scribbling. _Definitely her letter of resignation_ , Ginoza thought.

“It’s good to be here,” Ginoza said, with equal conviction.

“Did you talk to your attacker?” Mika asked sarcastically.

“I did, actually. His name’s Kagari. We got high and then I managed to eat. Nice guy.”

She continued to write. “Really? So marijuana helped your fear of blood?”

“I guess so, but my problem is now that I have to find weed and blood. I have never smoked before last week, and I don’t know the first thing about finding some. Also, I kind of work for the police so it wouldn’t look good if I was breaking the law.” He thought about this for a second. “Wait, can’t you get prescriptions for that kind of thing?”

“We do, for patients with cancer or glaucoma, none of which you have,” Shimotsuki pointed out, followed by a short sigh which showed she was tired of the banter.

“Right, I suppose I’ll just try the local middle school,” Ginoza shrugged.

“Where is Kagari now?”

“He dropped me a text a couple days ago explaining that he’d gone to visit some buddies of his and being a groupie for their band for a bit.”

“Oh.” Shimotsuki still didn’t believe him, which was fine.

“I have something I would like to show you,” Ginoza smiled at her, but Mika wasn’t looking, and from his angle, it looked like she was on Facebook.

“Really, what’s that?”

“My fangs came in,” Ginoza told her honestly, licking the tip of one than the other. He’d seen Kagari do that, so he hoped that he looked cool. They were quite impressive.

“Uh-huh,” Shimotsuki continued scrawling on her feed. “I’d like to see that.”

She finally stopped scrolling long enough to take a look upwards and see that Ginoza had approached her desk, light glinting off his new canines. Automatically, he felt her heartbeat quicken as the blood drained from her face and she passed out.

Which offered him just enough time to smoke up before dinner.


End file.
